He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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