Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
