I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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