Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
