There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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