One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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