there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
