They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
