We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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