shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
