Porn is love you can see.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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