Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize