He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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