She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
