He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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