Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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