you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
