id be glad to
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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