i can't believe i had my finger in that
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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