alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
