Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
