Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
