trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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