Define "chronic" masturbator.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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