My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
