thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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