is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
