Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
