1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
