I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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