I CAN MOONWALK!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
