i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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