Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
