I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Bring me that man meat
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
