Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
