Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
