I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
PANTIES FOUND
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