Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if i died would you start the facebook group?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
