I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
