I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
