What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
