I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Come see our sink grown plant.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
