Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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