Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
PANTIES FOUND
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