: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I cannot find my penis.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
