My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
