are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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