my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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