she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
