yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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