I can tuck mytits in my pants
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
