I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize