Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
