Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
