not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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