Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
