Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
