Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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