Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He better not be in your backpack
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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