I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
