He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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