thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
