At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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