Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize