Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize