I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
