he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
