Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
cat food counts as protein by the way
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
