omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Im part way to drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
