This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everclear isn't food dammit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
