a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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