It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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