Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
