Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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