Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
