I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
