Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Still dying that you shit outside
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
