Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
