porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
