i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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