You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
