I'm so fucking centered right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
