They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
