I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
