they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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