i permit you to call me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
