What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize