Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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