How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My hand turned me down
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So much rum. So many feels.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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