I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
