You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
