I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
