the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
