does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize