Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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