im so drunk with asians
where?
always
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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