I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
