Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
