How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
