awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
